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The Best Way To Save Your Marriage – You Must Embrace Conflict
Posted on December 19th, 2009 No commentsIn many states, all a husband or wife has to do to end their marriage is state to the court that there are “irreconcilable differences” and the court will grant a divorce. But, in any marriage, there should be irreconcilable differences. The best way to save marriage is to embrace the conflict that is inherent in a close partnership between two people.
We often think of divorcing couples as the ones who screamed at each other all of the time. But if these couples can communicate their needs through elevated voices, they are actually doing better than the couple that avoids all conflict at the cost of expressing their needs and beliefs.
It is these silent couples who need to save marriage through embracing conflict.
While no one is suggesting that emotional and verbal abuse is a good thing for a relationship, couples who don’t acknowledge that there are problems and differences are actually more likely to split up according to Dr. John Gottman, a researcher who runs the Love Lab.
So, if you want to save a marriage, you need to learn how to communicate and express your differences. Here are some tips for communication in marriage:
· Allow enough time for proper communication. If you are not spending enough time together to air your differences and share your strengths, you will find your relationship is in trouble. Work on building couple’s time back into your life. For instance, make a point of eating dinner together several times a week or going out on a date very week.
· Really listen when your partner speaks. It is amazing how much we tune out our partners. He or she may be telling you what you need to know. But, if you are not listening, it is all in vain.
· Find out why your partner is annoyed. When your husband or wife is being particularly grumpy, find out what is really going on. Sometimes, it may be that you have done something that has annoyed them. Other times, it may be that something completely unrelated has occurred. But you won’t know unless you ask.
· Get inside his or her world. As couples begin to drift apart, they start to live in separate worlds. When you make an attempt to get inside his or her world, you may just save the marriage.
· Stop judging. Express what needs you have and listen to your spouse’s needs. But, don’t be quick to judge or criticize.
· Be honest. One of the biggest problems for people who don’t like conflict is that they can’t be honest about what they want and need. When you start to express honest opinions about things, you will begin to save marriage.
Marriage is hard work. But, if it is worth it to you to save marriage, you will do the work. That means more communication, and yes, more conflict. This can be excellent advice for un-married couples as well. In fact, if you and your girlfriend are experiencing similar dynamics in your relationship, try this strategy to help strengthen your relationship.
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How To Win Back Your Girlfriend – The Key to Getting Her Back
Posted on March 29th, 2009 No comments
You're Holding the Key to Getting Your Girlfriend Back
If you’ve recently broken up with your girlfriend, you’re probably trying to figure out how to get over her, or how to win her back. You can do either, although not without going through some rough times ahead. Think hard about the relationship and your ex before you do anything. Remember how things were then think about how they will be now. If you can, try looking at things with a completely open mind. It will be difficult, but in the end you might decide that breaking up really wasn’t a bad idea.
If you do try to win her back, you’ll need to take several steps. Step one is to apologize. You might think you’ve already done so. Maybe you said you were sorry several times. However, if she thought you were apologizing just to avoid the break-up, she might think you were just saying things. If she has it in her head that you didn’t really mean it, it spells trouble for you.
If you really did something that you should apologize for, do it again. Now she may think you’re sincere, because you no longer have anything to lose. If the relationship has ended, you won’t be saying it only to save it but they will believe that you really mean it.
If your ex was the one who did something worth apologizing for, then rather than try to get a sincere apology from them, forgive them. You may never forget, especially if your break-up was because of cheating, but you must learn to forgive. Forgiving is much harder for some of us than merely saying, “I forgive you,” though, so you might want to read a book or two on forgiveness and how to really mean it. If you want to win back lost love, this step will help you do it. And it can help prevent problems in the future, too.
If you do succeed to win her love again, old issues might come up as you get back into the relationship. You have to forgive the person for whatever was done to break up the relationship. If you haven’t, then you might have a hard time getting past these old problems. It could cause hurtful feelings to bubble to the surface again.
If you can really forgive her, there’ll be no need to re-live the past. While you’re working on forgiving her for whatever happened to split you up, forgive them for the break-up itself. Trust me, you’ll save yourself lots of pain later on.
To win back your ex girlfriend, show the her the man they fell in love with, not the one they walked away from. They were with you because you have certain qualities, such as kindness, thoughtfulness, or your sense of humor; not because you’re, jealous, mad, or hurt.
While you might not be able to hide the hurt, concentrate on being the best “you” you can possibly be. That is how you win back lost love. You show them the great guy they loved before. If you had some qualities that were less than loveable too, show them you have gotten rid of them, and show her the great, new you, and the best of the old one.
If you’ve lost your girlfriend, discover exactly what to say and do to get her back, and exactly what order you must do it in. Every detail is important, and nothing should be left to chance if you want the best chance of success at having her back. You do, don’t you? Then Click here now.



